Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
