I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
