the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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