Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
