Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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