What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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