Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
