you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
