Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
