Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
