bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
