It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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