what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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