i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
