She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
