I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"