you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.