The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."