There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
