apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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