I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
