i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
