Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
