he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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