i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
