Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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