Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
