I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
