I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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