Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
