i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize