so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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