I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
