I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
