Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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