Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am naked and annoyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize