I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
