Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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