She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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