You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
