So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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