Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
