is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
