it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
