The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
