I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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