ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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