it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
