He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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