Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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