do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
