dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
