Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
