Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
