Will you blow on my dice?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
