Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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