We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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