It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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