They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
