a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
