Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
