I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.