Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
there is glitter all over my balls
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
