Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
